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| So on we went on our mission to find exactly what we wanted to find! As we marched down the crowded streets of this new place we heard gun shots, it seems that our beggar "friends" had turned against us. Angered and feeling betrayed we decided to go back and get "Old School" on our homeless enemies, I will now proceed to describe the events that followed but be warned they may be a little gruesome! First Pescado began the assault by randomly throwing rocks at the hips of the peasants (you may ask yourself, "Why the Hips?" to this i say it is an old scandinavian war tactic passed on to us by a great scandinavian from New Jersey) greatly wounded by the violent yet necessary tactics used by Pescado, i charged them like a rhino looking for his lost contact lens. Things escalated very quickly between the homeless foes and the brave heroes, the fight was all but done when out of nowhere one of the midget foes evaded our sight and tried to attack our fellow hero "EL BORREGO"!!!!!!! This was extremely dangerous because Borrego had recently had some intestinal problems, when he was poisoned by Chico's Gang, Borrego fought well even in the midst of his injuries and finally threw the homeless midget warrior into the river!! Victory was finally ours!!!!! So we wiped the sweat from our forehead and continued the march towards the goal, as we walked down the streets the local people threw rose petals at our feet, random people came up to us and offered us rides to various locations, although most were inappropriate for it seems that the people that came before us had attempted to slander our name and morals, but they had failed! We quickly explained that we were not here for that sort of thing and they quickly apologized and went on their way. So on we marched with distractions and battles behind us or so we thought........................................................................................................................................... | | |
| Our hero today struggles to maintain consciousness while he recounts the mayhem that ensued on our Mexican outing....
Having then emerged from the horde of gnarled, pleading souls who dared not get too close to the Bridge, we came upon our first encumbrance, the security force. Bearing the licensed adventurer identifications provided us by our guild, we had hoped for free passage to the other side. So, as we passed the turnstiles, we merely flashed our hero cards to the fund collector and proceeded to cross the bridge - but alas, we were only allowed a few steps before five AK-47-bearing Mexican special force operatives jumped out of a door ten feet ahead of us and arranged themselves into an explosive wall directly in our path. We froze, but remaining calm and using special, nearly undetectable inter-hero communication techniques, we decided on a course of action and signaled for el Camaron, our language expert, to address the senior operative. El Camaron locked eyes with the senior guardsmen - set apart to the eye by his matching BDU top and bottom - and boldly discoursed in fluent Mexican dialect.
"What seems to be the problem?", asked el Camaron.
The guard (Felipe, as it was later discovered) responded, "You have not paid the bridge toll, and so you shall not pass."
"You speak truly when you say we have not paid the bridge toll. However, is it not also true that we have provided indication of our professional adventurer/hero status?"
"Your badges? We don't take no stinkin' badges! We only take money!", snarled Felipe.
"You realize, of course, that your blockade is in direct violation of a solemn contract established by your country's government and the early leaders of our guild. It was decided that free passage was a small price to pay for the guarantee of protection we could afford the citizens", responded el Camaron, going historical on him.
"You can talk all you want, but we're not gonna let you pass."
The dialog continued on a similar note for another minute or so, but now it was merely a delay tactic, for during the conversation el Pescado had slipped out unnoticed from among them and had crawled his way next to the guards directly outside the fence. With everyone now in position, they only awaited the "go" words, which would be provided by el Camaron in the discourse.
El Camaron continued, "So there's no way you're going to let us ATTACK YOU NOW...."
And that was it. El Pescado started the assault by throwing a handful of dust in the faces of the guards, and the other three pretty much went postal on them. Having disarmed them like taking candy from children (which is a rather unfortunate but necessary portion of hero training), they proceeded to tie them up against the fence with the fishing line that el Pescado always carries around with him in order to mark his work. They then walked over the bridge, where many more adventures awaited them. As a sign of benevolence, they passed out the AKs to beggars on the other side.
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| Well Saturday was used as a day to prepare our soul's and mind for the daring journey on which we would embark on the next day!! With all the time that we spent preparing our minds you would think that we would be able to handle anything Mother Nature, Father Time or GOD would throw at us, sadly we were wrong!! Finally Sunday had arrived and we were anxious to get our journey started, knowing that our very lives would be put in danger that day, we decided to go to church and make peace with God!! We then waited and waited for the 4th member of our vicious tribe to arrive (he was making peace with God also, but in a different location....) Then like a dust particle running at full speed, he arrived to join us! So we were set, it was Paco, Chancho, Olga and Bill (I am using fake names so that our ID's will remain anony......annonomy.....ann....HIDDEN!!), we jumped on the Horse and off we road into battle!! Not wanting to take any Chances we decided to leave the horse in a parking garage (we heard they do some weird things to horses across the Border), We then proceeded on foot to the other side. As we walked towards the land of past enchantment (ZING!!) we were mobbed by a pack of crazy bandidos who begged us not to go across because of the danger, but like a mosquito sucking blood we just stood there and dared them to stop us!!! So on we marched and as we got closer to the border, those who tried to persuade us to stay on this side of the border, grew in quantity!! So we persevered and stayed the course for you see there was no force on this earth that was going to stop us from doing what we set out to do!!.................. To be Continued................. (Or is it................j/k................Or am I!!.............) | | |
| Here will be recounted for you the first installment of what is currently our latest adventure. There are, after all, many more adventures to come (Lord willing).
Friday evening was really the dawn of our escapade. As we dined merrily on buffalo chicken sandwiches in the presence of many friends - we were of course, in our civilian garb - we had not yet dreamed of the wonders which awaited us the following Sunday. Nonetheless, it was then the idea was spawned in [alter-ego name, hidden here to protect El Camaron's identity; for
convenience from this point, El Camaron's alter-ego will be given the
moniker "Zeke"]'s mind: "Hey [alter-ego name, hidden here to protect El Pescado's identity; for convenience from this point, El Pescado's alter-ego will be given the moniker "Jeb"], let us venture forth beyond our national boundary to obtain some authentic and delectable foreign nourishment," he proclaimed. The location of Juarez, Mexico, was then chosen as the city of dining, and El Paso, TX, as the state-side rendezvous point (oddly enough). Accompanying us on our journey would be two fellow members of our local guild of adventurer/heroes, whom we shall here refer to as "Ron" and "Stan". With plans firmly in place, we once again settled down to enjoy the company, the food, and our charming, ever-so-cheery-in-dire-circumstances-late-at-night waitress, who to protect her identity as well as her honor we shall refer to as Brunhilda.
Though we were relaxed, playing it cool as mild-mannered, pedestrian citizens, there was a sense of destiny welling up inside both of us - something big was about to happen, and it was going to happen Sunday.
The crowd had slowly been whittled away until there were only four of us. It was getting late, and the group decision was to call it a night. Before we left, however, the adventurers still present - Ron, Zeke, and Jeb - needed to have a word. Because there was still a civilian in the mix, and since she was to ride home with Zeke, a means had to be devised to convene a private gathering of the three. Much to the chagrin of all, the only convenient tactic available in the hero's handbook was the girl-style group bathroom trip. I am proud to say, however, that I believe we pulled it off in a semi-subtle and very manly way given the circumstances. At any rate, once alone in the reverberant confines of the men's room, we gathered around the mirror, admiring the deceptiveness of our every-day garb, and discussed the sense of excitement each felt at the prospect of the coming adventure, as well as warning each of possible dangers and inventing strategies should the fur start flying, as we say in the biz. After a few minutes, we said goodnight and went our separate ways.
To be continued.......
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| Welcome to the offical blog of oneBrain, two hearty adventurers whose intellects have combined into a supercomputing powerhouse. Rather than making potentially billions of dollars with the mental capacity available to each of them, they have decided to make their neural resources available to the public through this blog.
Stay tuned for thoroughly analyzed, well-thought-out accounts of our adventures and other such things.
El Camaron y El Pescado
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